Another Warhammer40K Story
by Snowskeeper
Summary: Epic to a point. Review, even if just to flame.
1. Chapter 1

_*Sigh* I feel I may have been too serious in many of my stories for the Warhammer section. I mean, let's face it, it's the Grimdark Future, it's kind of hard not to make it, well, Grimdark. Unfortunately, that's probably not an excuse for the bout of randomness and insanity that may follow. This is not Sparta. This is not madness. This... Is... ANOTHER WARHAMMER40K STORY! Well, okay, maybe it's madness._

The C'tan Nightbringer was eating a donut. He liked the taste. Perhaps one day it would replace souls as his favourite sustenance—Suddenly, the Deceiver smashed him over the head with a coconut. "WHAT THE **** WAS THAT FOR?" Screamed the Nightbringer.

"I felt like it!" Screamed the Deceiver, but because he wasn't anywhere near as cool as the Nightbringer he was unable to capitalize anything but the beginning of the sentence.

"WHY YOU LITTLE MOTHER FU-"

"Hey guys!" Slaanesh, the god(ess) of pleasure, casually walked into the room.

"WHAT THE HELL—THIS IS THE C'TAN BUILDING! THE CHAOS BUILDING IS LIKE FIVE MILES AWAY!" Screamed the Nightbringer. I told him to calm down. He tried to eat me.

"Someone get the transdimensional ladder! This ****ing writer's starting to really piss me off!"

"I got it!" shouted Tzeentch. Really, what kind of name is Tzeentch? Is that supposed to be Tah-zee-n-tah-ch, or Zeench? Really! Oh, crap, there's the wormhole. Time to break the seventeenth wall. The fourth wall being completely obliterated by now, I believe.

"BRING ON THE DAKKA!" Shouted everyone's favourite greenskinned greenskins. They charged out of the room next door, pouring infinite numbers out of a room that was about 20X20.

Yes. Jam the tunnel with your corpses. Now I shall continue screwing with the Warhammer40K universe you live in. The Nightbringer suddenly found a large basket of high explosive monkeys glued to his head.

"WHAT THE HELL IS A MONKEY?" I could have sworn I told him to calm down... Well, a monkey is some sort of primate remarkably similar to humans. The only difference is their capacity to have thousands of pounds of explosives stuck into their brains. Oh, and they have fur and big ears.

"I hate you lots." Suddenly, the monkeys all went off at once, killing everyone in the room instantly, excluding me, obviously.

_There might be a sequel. Probably not, I was pretty crazy when I wrote this one._


	2. Chapter 2

_Five months later... _The Deceiver lowered a hammer. He didn't really know why he had a hammer, but it was probably because it looked good when you were on a construction site. Slowly, after months of reforming his battered essence and his Living Metal shell, he'd returned to this dimension to reform the C'tan's personal base of operations in this dimension, informally called a 'Dorm'. The Chaos Gods, Eldar Gods, and the God Emperor of Mankind all had separate ones, all of which sucked compared to the sheer awesomeness of the C'tan's dorm. The Deceiver, of course, had merely pretended to swing his huge Living Metal hammer a few times at things and laughed as the other C'tan and a few Necrons they'd been allowed to bring to this dimension solely to rebuild the dorm.

He looked at the other C'tan, the only other awakened C'tan anyway, the C'tan Nightbringer. The fool was slowly moulding Living Metal with his will into a wall. He was alternately muttering about how much pain he was going to put me through and glaring at the Deceiver, wanting to rip him apart for past betrayals. The C'tan Deceiver waved.

Suddenly, I decided this was getting too boring. A giant rabbit appeared.

The Nightbringer instantly turned to face it, raising his arm-that-looked-like-a-scythe and charging. The Deceiver stood, amazed at the sight. The Nightbringer was smashed away by a flick of the giant rabbit's ear, and suddenly he destroyed the dorm. The Nightbringer cried out in fury and charged once more. The Deceiver ran away crying.

The Nightbringer was ready for the ear this time, and slashed at the tip. Instead of the ear actually cutting, a small amount of the rabbit's spirit trailed behind the scythe. The rabbit started to cry. The Nightbringer stopped short. What the hell? Not that kind of spirit, not fighting spirit, like essence! _Oh you idiot, Snowskeeper,_ he thought. After finally getting out from underneath the whale I immediately dropped on him, he stared at the rabbit (and the whale, now. And what the hell, let's throw a kitten in there. And a puppy.). Finally, he figured something out.

"I'm going to eat your souls now." The giants all balked. He charged and started stealing all their essences. Suddenly, the Deceiver and a million Necrons appeared. The Deceiver was still crying.

"YOU STOP HURTING THOSE POOR RANDOM ANIMALS RIGHT NOW!" The Deceiver screamed.

"..." The Nightbringer didn't say and started head banging on the corpse of the whale which died of lack of oxygen ten seconds ago. Then he continued attacking the animals.

"Okay then, don't say you weren't WARNED! OPEN FIAH!" He shouted, and the Necrons obliged. They killed the rabbit, kitten, and puppy, then they went home.

"No no no, you're supposed to shoot the damn Nightbringer!" The Deceiver screamed, before having his shell ruptured by the Nightbringer.

"And that's why you don't screw with me, children." He said in my general direction, before I dropped another thousand explosive monkeys on him again.


End file.
